Jotted down a few dialogues that caught my fancy today. They’re written by students who were asked to follow an asinine script from their English textbook. Yeah, I said it… but really, the kids and teachers don’t always get much choice in the matter. Today’s topic is “Shopping.”

The basic copy/paste format goes something like this first one:

A: May I help you?

B: Yes, please. I’m looking for pants.

A: What color are you looking for?

B: Pearl white.

A: How about this white one?

B: I like the color. But it’s too big for me.

A: Shall I show you a smaller one?

B: Yes, please. Oh, this is nice. How much is it?

A: It’s 3000 yen.

B: OK. I’ll take it.

Yep, as you know, that’s how you shop in English. I do appreciate the color selection, though.

This one made me chuckle:

A: May I help you? What are you looking for?

B: Cheese!

A: What kind of cheese?

B: All cheese–

A: Mr. Takano from Hamada please come to service counter.

B: Oh no!! It’s me!!

This last one for all I know the students were just being lazy and stuck whatever phrases in. It’s brilliant. You don’t have to agree with me, but I think David Ives would be proud.

A: May I help you?

B: I’m just looking.

A: How about this one?

B: I’m just looking.

A: How about this one?

B: May I try this on?

A: No!!

B: Why?

A: No!!

B: Why?

A: How about that one?

B: No! I like this.

A: No!!

B: Why?

A: How about that one?

B: I want to come back home.

A: No!!

B: Bye.

A: No!!

B: Why?

A: Bye.

B: Bye.